In honor of the New York City Comicon your ever humble narrator, Lord of Lords and sower of the precious seeds of House Barbados across the faces of many of your girlfriend's upthrust bosoms, Dane Barbados Jr. himself has decided to finally watch the much maligned Iron Man 3.
Despite making a legion of comic book fanboys viciously angry over the treatment of the Mandarin, which we shall come to, Dane Barbados Jr. found this film to be an enjoyable romp from nearly start to finish. Iron Man 3 is a much more focused and directed character piece, as helmed by director Shane Black, having less spectacle and more introspection, shining a light on Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark and his issues following the Battle of New York as depicted in "The Avengers", feeling like it had less hands involved in shaping the film.
As always, Robert Downey Jr. completely embodied Tony Stark still being a brash and charismatic jerk while still displaying character growth over the character displayed in the previous two Iron Man films as well as the Avengers, crumpling into panic attacks at the mere mention of New York or wormholes, burying himself in his work, churning out hastily constructed armors (from Mark VII in the Avengers to Mark 42 at the start of IM3). Despite his personal difficulties Stark is still able to snark with the best of them, delivering one-liners and retorts with wild abandon.
Gwyneth Paltrow sleepwalks hazily through her role as she is want to do in almost any role she appears in but the character of Pepper Potts has much more to do in this film, managing to handily escape the bounds of a mere damsel in distress. Jon Favreau, though in the film less than in the past iterations still retains his innate likability. It may have something to do with him apparently packing on an additional 15-20 pounds between films. Fat people generally have an air of jollyness Dane Barbados Jr. has found. Don Cheadle as Jim Rhodes, the newly christened "Iron Patriot," effortlessly dispels all memory of that role's former occupant, making it all his own, dishing out believable action moments and comedy in equal measure. Guy Pierce is also surprisingly believable both as the broken and nerdy Aldrich Killian and the suave, fit and confident businessman he becomes, still showing the vulnerability of who he was before and possessing none of the more cartoon like qualities of Iron Man 2's Ezekiel Stane. And then there's Ben Kingsley.
Iron Man 3 also has the distinction of being a comic book movie released this year that is not afraid to show color, humor and heart, all three elements on display front and center, shown most heavily in a section of the middle of the film with an armorless Tony Stark befriending a young boy (Ty Simpkins) who puts in a rare non-annoying performance, somehow able to make a a child on film somewhat endearing.
And then, we have the Mandarin, the focal point of the rage of a million virgin nerds. In the realm of comics the Mandarin has over the years emerged as one of Tony Stark's oldest and most dangerous villains, a Fu Manchu-like yellow peril villain possessed of ten magic rings created by aliens shaped like giant, wingless, dragons wearing purple short pants. How, exactly, was this expected to be translated in modern film? A modern film with substantial Chinese financial backing no less? An impossibility declares Dane Barbados Jr.
What we have instead is an ambiguously brown terrorist leader with an american southern accent and a Chinese name capturing and utilizing the tricks of media and theatre to deliver his message of terror to the United States. Except we didn't have that at all. We had a loopy, drug addled, British actor portraying the character of the Mandarin, delivered in a wildly hilarious performance by the aforementioned Kingley, acting as a front for the true mastermind, Aldrich Killian.
All of this was brilliantly foreshadowed throughout the film. In the introductory scenes we are told that Killian is helming a new start-up scientific think-tank called Advance Idea Mechanics, or AIM, a long standing villainous faction from the books and a clear tip off to readers of the comics. Astute eyed viewers will see Killian sporting a multitude of rings, foreshadowing him as the true leader of the Mandarin's Ten Rings organization. It is in the climax where we are told, by Killian himself, that he is the true Mandarin, a fact illustrated (literally) by the tattoos of dragons that look suspiciously similar to the creators of the comic Mandarin's rings adorning his chest to cement that yes comics fans your Mandarin is here. A shady and sophisticated businessman who prefers to operate from the shadows, just like the most current incarnation of the character in the book. Kinglsey, as the "the Mandarin," himself sums it up in one of his terror videos, citing the fortune cookie as not Chinese, but an American invention, hollow and full of lies, much like himself.
Past that the film is loaded with allusions and shout outs to the books, from as obvious as the inclusion of the Iron Patriot armor from Marvel's Civil War event and aftermath to as subtle as a scene near the end where Stark transfers from armor to armor moving from the Silver Centurion suit, to the classic red and gold to a charcoal colored suit reminiscent of the War Machine armor, giving a tribute in minutes to decades of Stark's armor progression. The film also picks elements from several notable stories in the book including Warren Ellis' "Extremis" arc as well as Matt Fraction's recent "The Five Nightmares" arc.
All in all, gentle reader, Dane Barbados Jr. can offer a sincere recommendation of Iron Man 3. It isn't perfect, as nothing is but the finely chiseled form of Dane Barbados Jr., but it does contain solid acting, directing and cinematography. Plenty of laughs and a surplus of exciting action. It stands to reason that anyone seeing an Iron Man film would be a fan of the armors and if so the climactic battle is truly a rollicking good time.
In conclusion: there's a reason why so many of your comics nerds have never been face to proverbial face with the beauty that is the female genitalia. If they have as unrealistic expectations for the opposite gender as they do films then they shall ever remain encased in the crusty tube sock that is their own virginity.
Post Scriptus: There are spoilers. I suppose I could have mentioned that at the start. I just didn't care.
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